soulbriety

When you see this picture, what is your automatic interpretation of water inside? Are you someone who sees the glass as half-full or half-empty? Are you grateful for the water in it, acknowledging the hydration it provides as is, or do you automatically wish there were more?

While these may seem like silly questions over a random glass of water, they are very important indicators of where you fall on the spectrum between the polarity of a negative mindset and a positive one. “How we do one thing is how we do everything”, so with this statement in mind, how we view this glass is an accurate measure of how we view things in general. If you view it as half-empty, it is likely you are in a more negative state. If you view it as half-full and accept it just as it is, you are likely in a more positive state.

So, how can we start training our brain to think more positively? Yes, I did say “train”. We don’t just wake up one day and become a positive person all the time with no wavering. It is a practice, and while it is a simple concept, it is not easy. It takes conscious decisions daily and even situationally, and consistent commitment to pursuing a growth mindset throughout life.

If you go to the gym, how do you train your muscles to grow? You place them under tension for long periods of time, or reps, right? The same is true for mindset muscles. We must continue to train consistently and intentionally in order to see lasting results and experience the benefits that come from that dedication.

There are many symptoms of a growth mindset, including:

• Focusing on impermanence – knowing feelings and circumstances do not last, and knowing that YOU have agency over the changes
• Believing your skills & characteristics are not fixed, and that you can improve anything with practice
• Seeing failures as opportunities for growth – mistakes are just information to adjust in order to do better next time

The opposite of a growth (positive) mindset is a fixed (negative) one. Here are a few key characteristics of people who operate with this outlook:

• Focus on permanence – don’t see a way out, do not believe things will ever get better & don’t feel any agency over making changes
• Believe skills & characteristics are fixed & unable to enhance or improve: “That’s just the way I was born” or “That’s just how I am”.
• View failure as final result – do not believe in persisting or trying again

These two mindsets are complete opposite ends of the pendulum, but there is a lot of grey area in between, and we all have better or worse days. The point is that people who have an overall mindset of growth and positivity see the world as happening FOR them, not TO them. They attract more positive things & people in their life. They have more resilience & grit, and they have a lot less stress.

It’s easy to get caught in a victim mentality and say “well that’s easy for some people, but you don’t know what I’ve been through.” But the reality is that someone who has a similar, if not worse, past as you is out there doing what you say you can’t, and it’s all because of their mindset.

This is exactly why trauma is not defined by the event itself, but actually by how it affects the person during and after. I’ll give an example:

• Two people with the same childhood trauma and background and family dynamic have just lost their job unexpectedly.
• One of them thinks “This always happens to me. If my parents would have taught me (fill in the blank) then I wouldn’t be experiencing this. Now I’m going to lose my apartment. I’ll never be able to find a job”.
• The other thinks “Well, this really sucks, but rejection is redirection, and at least now I know that job wasn’t for me. Now I can find a job that better serves my (family life, schedule, etc.)”
• Why do these people with the same upbringing, same current circumstances, have different thoughts & feelings about this? Yep, you guessed it! It’s purely due to their mindset!

So, how do we go about making this shift from negative to positive, or from fixed to growth? It is a process; and not always easy or linear, just as any healing. But I have a specific exercise to help you get started:

• The next time a negative feeling or thought enters your mind, I invite you to do this 3 step process. You can do it mentally, but I highly encourage writing it on paper to reflect and track progress:
• Step 1: write down what happened WITH feelings & judgements
• Step 2: write down what happened WITHOUT feelings & judgements
• Step 3: write down one thing, as vague or as detailed as you want, that you gained or learned from this.

Doing this process daily or even throughout the day will show you two things:

1. How often we place judgement or view things negatively. It is pretty surprising how often we see things as happening TO us, and the first step to reversing this thought is to acknowledge it, so it’s important to become aware of them.

2. How even seemingly bad situations can provide us with lessons, and hidden gifts to help us grow & expand in this human experience.

As with affirmations & belief reprogramming, repetition is key, so the more you do this process, the quicker your brain will adapt & apply to all areas of your life!

For more detailed explanation & an in-depth example of this journal prompt, I invite you to listen to the episode on my podcast:

“Soulbriety Segments” on Spotify

And as always, if you’d like to connect or have questions about coaching, where I go in-depth & support you through this whole process, feel free to reach out to me via Instagram or text the number on my homepage.

Sending love & light!